The past week has been a rough one for me. I finally got clearance from the doctor to start exercising again, which I had been anxiously waiting for. I was maybe too excited and went out running that day and the next, pushing myself to hit the miles I used to pre-pregnancy. I started to feel a strain in my back so decided to take it easy the next day by just doing my Jillian Michael's exercise video instead. Well the strain snowballed into full on back pain where I could not even walk without a limp. I was having trouble putting any weight on my left leg, let alone carry a ten pound baby in her car seat. This really limited what I could do with Lily this week, so we just camped out in the house, depending on Grammie for lots of help. With no relief from Aleve, heating pads and multiple Icy Hot patches, I finally went to the chiropractor. I am praying that he can help me quickly resolve this issue, because I am no closer to losing the baby weight without exercising, not to mention it is really impeding what I can do with Lily while I am still off.....this blows.
On top of my back issues (or partly because of my back issues) I have had some major breakdowns regarding breastfeeding. Recently, Lily has been going through a growth spurt which means she is feeding more often and for longer, and for me, it means I am feeding her all day long!! Erik jokes that I am just a milk machine, but that is seriously how I feel. I have no freedom whatsoever, I am shackled by this little lady!! I hope that doesn't sound mean, or like I am a bad mom, but it is way harder then I ever imagined. I had heard that breastfeeding was hard, but I just thought that meant physically hard, not emotionally. So when I had no issues breastfeeding her, I thought I was in the clear. All you read and are told in the hospital is that breastfeeding is best, but no one warns you about the toll it takes on you. I was lucky enough to be able to feed her easily, but have been extremely unsuccessful at pumping, meaning I can not leave her for more than a couple hours (usually not even that long) and even when I do get out for a bit I am anxious the entire time that she is home, crying, waiting to eat. I want so badly to do what is best for my baby, but at what cost? I need to find a better balance between what is best for her and for me. Does that sound as selfish as it feels?
No comments:
Post a Comment