It's Over :(

So the end of Thanksgiving meant the end of maternity leave for me.  I had such mixed feelings about this, somewhat excited to get back to the real world but can't even believe how much I am going to miss this little lady.

Our last day alone together, mommy was the saddest!

My first day back went better than expected.  There were only a few tears walking into the building, but once there, I was so overwhelmed trying to get caught up that before I knew it, it was time to go home and see her. :)  The second day was much worse, this was Lily's first day of school.  I have been to this school a million times, even worked there, so knew she was in capable hands (including her 2 aunties'), but there was something so sad about dropping her off.  I needed a lot of consoling that day, so Erik and I took her together; even choked him up a bit. 

Lily's new school

So excited about her first day!

We made her a new shirt so she would make new friends....

Daddy said I am not allowed to do this anymore or she will get beat up at school!

 

Daddy and I had a hard time leaving our big girl :(

Every day since has gotten a little easier as I get back into a routine.  The part I am finding to be the hardest is how little time during the week I get to spend with her.  By the time I pick her up or get home from work we have barely any time to play, then she eats and falls asleep.  Especially on school nights, she comes home so exhausted, we get even less time together.  I am beginning to cherish the time we spend during feedings in the middle of the night... I can't believe I used to complain about being woken up, that is our time and I love every second of it.   

Gobble Gobble

Lily had a wonderful first Thanksgiving, which was also her first trip up to Maine.  I couldn't believe how much stuff such a little person needs for just a few days away.  I suppose looking back, there were many things we could have left at home, but at the time I couldn't help thinking, what if.... So we packed up the car (thank God we just got a new SUV to fit it all) and headed up to see Nana and Grampy.  I'm not sure who had more fun that weekend, Lily or her grandparents.  She was absolutely doted on (as were Erik and I who got to sneak away for a much needed date!) and can't wait for her next trip to Maine!

Early morning hangs with Grampy!

 

 

 

My shirt says it all, "I Love My Nana"

 

Uncle Andy, I don't bite!

So thankful for my two turkeys!

Got to meet my great-Uncle Richard...

 

 

and my Auntie Molly!

Like mother, like daughter

It's no secret that I am quite the procrastinator.  I have been off for twelve weeks and still have not gotten to many of the "to do's" that I swore I would get to in the first week; such as cleaning my pantry, organizing my wedding photos (my wedding was over 2 years ago), or sewing curtains for Lily's nursery.  In true Joyce style, I plan on cramming as many of these things as I can into the last 24 hours before returning to work on Monday.  Not only am I aware of this annoying trait of mine, but have come to terms with it.  I used to try to justify it saying I work best under the pressure, but going back to grad school made me realize that I am just lazy and do not want to do anything that disinterests me until absolutely necessary.

So knowing this about myself, I do not know why I was so surprised to realize that my daughter may have inherited this unfortunate trait.  After finally rectifying my pumping issues, we learned that getting Lily to take a bottle was not as easy as we had thought it would be.  For weeks, we tried many different types of bottles, nipples and combinations of the two to no success.  It wasn't until we visited her new school that her teacher got her to take the bottle.  We were so relieved!!  Though this still did not help us at home, as she still would not take the bottle from Erik or I.  Again we tried everything: different positions, locations, and temperatures, but nothing!  I was so stressed,  I imagined dropping her off at school in the morning and finding out at pick up that she hadn't eaten all day, but just screamed to be fed the old fashioned way.  My heart broke thinking about her on a hunger strike, feeling that I had abandoned her.  Luckily, like her mom, she was just waiting until the last minute, keeping us on our toes.  Almost overnight she became a professional bottle drinker, and even now takes a pacifier, which has really helped cut down on all the spit up (we were anti-pacifier until we realized that it was actually helping).

It really makes me wonder if my own procrastination stressed out my mom the way Lily's has already stressed out me, if so....sorry mom!!  Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come! :)

Two Months

November 8th marked Lily's 2 month birthday!!  Here is what she is up to:

 -weighs 11 lb 12.5 oz (63rd percentile) and 23.5 inches long (90th percentile)

-started laughing (playing a new game called "how big is Lily?")

-grips and grabs toys, mommy's hair, and even...

-daddy's beard!

-saw her first snow (even though it didn't stick)

-mesmerized by lights, could spend all day looking at them

-celebrated her first Halloween

 

-sleeps up to 7.5 hours at night (yay!!)

-wore her first pair of shoes, daddy's clone! (sorry SR friends, it was Erik's doing)

-working on drinking bottles, not going well so far :(

 -got her first round of vaccines, ouch! :(

-was mommy's best birthday present this year, got to snuggle all day!!

Update...

It was the pump, not me!!!  

My dumb insurance company would not cover the good Medela breast pump when I left the hospital.  I remember the nurse saying 95% of insurance companies cover the Medela, but of course mine did not.  The one they sent me seemed ok though and after some research which gave the pump 4 out of 5 stars on Babies R Us, I figured it worked and maybe pumps were all the same.  Well, those 4 stars must have been given by employees of the company, or at least women who leaked enough milk to make them think they were actually pumping it, because I would sit there for an hour only to get drops of milk.  Because feeding had come so easy, I was convinced I could not pump, either I did not have enough milk or enough time to commit to drops per hour. 

Luckily, my sister had the Medela and I decided to give it a try before starting Lily on formula.  When I say this machine is life changing, I am not exaggerating.  I did not know how easy it could be or I would have shelled out the $300 a LONG time ago.  Going back to work soon, I am just so relieved that I am still able to feed her, not to mention get out of the house once in awhile without anxiety.  It IS all rainbows and sunshine!!  Now, if she will just start taking a bottle......  

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween from our little Piglet!!!

Fun at Aunt Marg's Halloween party!

 

It's Not All Rainbows and Sunshine

The past week has been a rough one for me.  I finally got clearance from the doctor to start exercising again, which I had been anxiously waiting for.  I was maybe too excited and went out running that day and the next, pushing myself to hit the miles I used to pre-pregnancy.  I started to feel a strain in my back so decided to take it easy the next day by just doing my Jillian Michael's exercise video instead.  Well the strain snowballed into full on back pain where I could not even walk without a limp.  I was having trouble putting any weight on my left leg, let alone carry a ten pound baby in her car seat.  This really limited what I could do with Lily this week, so we just camped out in the house, depending on Grammie for lots of help.  With no relief from Aleve, heating pads and multiple Icy Hot patches, I finally went to the chiropractor.  I am praying that he can help me quickly resolve this issue, because I am no closer to losing the baby weight without exercising, not to mention it is really impeding what I can do with Lily while I am still off.....this blows.

On top of my back issues (or partly because of my back issues) I have had some major breakdowns regarding breastfeeding.  Recently, Lily has been going through a growth spurt which means she is feeding more often and for longer, and for me, it means I am feeding her all day long!!  Erik jokes that I am just a milk machine, but that is seriously how I feel.  I have no freedom whatsoever, I am shackled by this little lady!!  I hope that doesn't sound mean, or like I am a bad mom, but it is way harder then I ever imagined.  I had heard that breastfeeding was hard, but I just thought that meant physically hard, not emotionally.  So when I had no issues breastfeeding her, I thought I was in the clear. All you read and are told in the hospital is that breastfeeding is best, but no one warns you about the toll it takes on you.  I was lucky enough to be able to feed her easily, but have been extremely unsuccessful at pumping, meaning I can not leave her for more than a couple hours (usually not even that long) and even when I do get out for a bit I am anxious the entire time that she is home, crying, waiting to eat.  I want so badly to do what is best for my baby, but at what cost?  I need to find a better balance between what is best for her and for me.  Does that sound as selfish as it feels?

A Year in Review

Yesterday was my birthday, so I couldn't help but think of the past year and how I had so many wonderful, life-changing events occur.  I can say with absolute certainty that I am not the same woman I was on my 32nd birthday; this was definitely the best year of my whole life! 

First, I graduated with my Masters degree this summer after three and a half years of endless lectures, countless group projects and never ending homework.  (After all I invested, in time and money, it is still hard to believe that I NEVER have to go to school again!)  Second, while finishing up school, I managed to carry and deliver the most beautiful baby girl. I did both of these things while working full time and nurturing all my close relationships.  It was definitely a year of personal growth and maturity for me.

So, it really is hard for me to imagine how this next year can compare to the exciting year that just passed.  But that got me thinking of all the exciting "firsts" I have to look forward to this year:  what Lily's first word will be, what her voice will sound like, her first steps, activities she will be interested in (music, like daddy?), what kinds of food she will like and dislike, what kind of personality she will develop.  This year may not be one of huge, life-changing events for me, but will definitely be one for my daughter and that is even more exciting.  I realized yesterday that it is no longer ever going to be just about me, my family always comes first.  I must relish all the big milestones, as well as the small, everyday activities and make this next year the best of Lily's life!! 

One Month

Lily turned one month on October 8th, here is a little bit about her:

-weighs 9 lb 13 oz (65th percentile), 21 3/4 inches long (85th percentile)

-loves to go for walks, but always falls asleep in her stroller

-has started tummy time and is getting such a strong neck (and loves looking at herself in the mirror)

-Daddy has nicknamed her "bubba", she loves when he serenades her

-has started sleeping 5 hours at a time at night (yay!)

-started smiling (and not just because of gas!) :)

-had her first Twilight experience (she loved it, though was on Team Jacob, our house is divided!)

-just started taking a pacifier, but still does not really like it (usually spits it out within a minute)

-makes lots of noises, especially when waking up and wants out of her swaddle

-went apple picking for the first time

-developing such a sweet, loving personality!!